Overcoming Negative Messages we Tell Ourselves

Many who have been abused, misunderstood, and bullied all have one thing in common: Anger and Self Hate. There is a rage burning so deep inside and they don't always see how it is slowly destroying them. It’s as if people who are abused, regardless of how or why, continue to victimize themselves long after the abuser has left the picture.


They abuse themselves by turning to drugs and alcohol instead of facing their emotions head on. They can become sexually promiscuous, not caring about STD’s or pregnancy. The examples can range from the extreme to small like those who undervalue themselves in the workplace. Logically none of these decisions make any sense. Why would any sane person destroy themselves? Many people believe that if they were abused, that they could walk away from that life, knowing that the issue was with the abuser, not themselves. That may be the case for some, but it is rare.

 
Most people who have been abused don't set out to undermine themselves. It is more of a subconscious act. The abuse often continues within the persons' brain. There are thoughts, “tapes” that constantly play in the mind. Often these tapes have the personality, voice, or phrases that were used by their abuser. The thinking part of the person knows that the tapes lie, but it wasn’t the thinking part of the person that was damaged.  These deep inset messages can pop up at any time, especially when the psyche is vulnerable. The words that play in people’s heads are endlessly different as is their outcome.

Imagine entering a crowded room and hearing “You’re worthless and I don’t know why I had you” running in your head. How would that change your interactions with people?

Looking in a mirror and hearing “No one will love you if you are fat”, how can you ever truly be self-confident?

When choosing friends or mates hearing “If you weren’t so bad, I wouldn’t hit you”. Would that alter who you pick to be near you? Would that lead you to people who will also abuse you?

When dealing with people, who have been abused or bullied, it is important to get them to become aware of the tapes playing in their head. What do the tapes say? Who is saying them? What emotions do the phrases or words bring to the surface? When do they hear these tapes? Are they more frequent when there is stress anger, or sadness? Some of the things we tell ourselves are easily detected; others are deeply hidden or come out in humor, sarcasm or other deflection.

Once they become aware of the tapes playing in their head, they can then begin to defeat them. Another phrase needs to be chosen to counteract the damaging voice; new mantra’s need to be created.

 

For example, if they hear “No one will love you if you are fat”, it can be countered with “what a lie, I am surrounded by people who love me no matter what.” If a person hears “you deserve to be treated this way”, countering it with “I deserve to be treated with love and respect.”

It will take some time, but eventually that negative voice will be silenced or at least quieted. The hardest part is facing those messages head on, coming to terms with who said them, and resolving the emotions those tapes bring. Creating new, positive messages will help to repair the damage done to their soul. By stopping the negative hurtful messages, it will help them to learn self-love and self-respect, the keys to ending self-sabotage and abuse that creates a lifetime of pain.